My face has become a barometer for stress and fatigue and just as a barometer goes down with bad weather, so does my face.  Today I feel the stress in my sagging muscles of my face but I can not account for all the stress I am feeling.

Yes, I had a project designed and ordered when it was torn from me and re-done by a supervisor who ordered something that is not working.  That would not be so bad but everyone assumes it was my work now that it keeps breaking.  I place about 30% of my stress on this.  It would be more if it were actually my work, but as it is I don’t even have the access to fix it.

The only other unusual stressor from work is a lady in purchasing that is poking and prodding at another project that was designed, quoted, and even approved.  I don’t worry so much about this because I know she won’t find anything.  She is just wasting her time and mine but I do need the product now – trying to make do with what I have only increases my work load – and the frustration of the people requesting a product I can no longer deliver.  I would give 10% to this – an inconvenience really.

From the home side, there are the constant background stressors like kids, finances, health issues, and the regular dad stuff.  Really, how much stress can this provide when Carol is so good at taking care of it?  Things have been very stressful for her this past week, but I only get what tips over the top – maybe another 10%

So you can see that I can only explain away about half of the agitation that I am feeling but it is beginning to take a toll on me.  I felt earlier today as if I was only one unreasonable demand on my time away from walking out of here forever.  This, of course would be a foolish reaction because I need the flexibility to come in to work at 9:30 after dropping the kids to school and you don’t often find that at a new job.  After 13 years with the same company I don’t have to prove that I am a good employee or that they are going to get their money’s worth from me so I am stuck here by circumstance.

Somewhere I have a huge bucket of stress and that bucket is leaking.  Unfortunately the bucket is well camouflaged.  I need to find it because I feel very much like someone who has been up for two days and is keeping going only by sucking in vast quantities of caffeine. 

Yep, that describes my physical state pretty well.  I wish it were just sleep because I would know how to fix that.

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