Welcome to Bonehead’s Blog!

For many of you, this will be a continuation of my life.  For others, this will be the beginning.  I would have continued with my previous blog, but (censored) found it and insisted that I remove it.  As I blogged about divorce, betrayal, and choices, her actions were not always flattering and my portrayal of her even less so.  Closing out the old blog will give me a chance to truly bury the past and begin again.

And what a beginning I have!  I have been divorced for only one year, but it has taken only that short time to find a wonderful woman to marry.  If there were one thing that I had to choose to define the difference between my first wife and Carol, it would be this:  I know that Carol loves me.  I never really knew that before, and so it is easy for me to believe (Censored).  It is sad because I really loved her and I was hurt when she left.

You might imagine that after being hurt like this before, that I would be afraid of being hurt in this same way again.  In the beginning this was true, but as I came to realize the depth and strength of the feeling that Carol has for me, these fears evaporated.  It is a wonderful feeling to know that you are loved so completely.

Perhaps it is a bad thing to feel so completely loved because I don’t fear that I will do something stupid and have Carol pack up her things and leave.  I spent a lot of time trying not to break eggs in my (Censored) but now I am free to make mistakes and to learn from them!  Even more, I am free to be myself.  Surprisingly, I have found that this time being myself is good enough.  I don't feel like I am trying as hard as I should be and I feel some guilt from that.  A part of me screams that it is not showing love if it is easy to do.  I hope I am proved wrong because I am really enjoying loving Carol this way. 

Another wonderful beginning is found in the fact that Carol brings with her five children that need a dad desperately.  I have felt that I was a decent father to my three children, but this will provide an opportunity to really hone those parenting skills to a keen edge.  Where being loved by Carol has come easily, I have no doubt but that earning the title of ‘father’ for these new children will be very difficult.  I expect it to be harder than I can imagine at times, but I am positive that it will be worth the pain.  I will wear out my body doing something as quickly as I will wear it out doing nothing and I can’t think of anything more important than raising children.

This blog will be devoted to the joy and the pain of taking two families and blending them.  I found that keeping a blog about the divorce not only helped me understand my feelings and my motivations, but that occasionally I would relate something that really helped someone else.  It would be wonderful if this continued in this blog. 

I am excited to find out.

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